Broken trust…fucking sucks! Like, why did you lie? Why did you do what you did? Why don’t people understand that being open and honest (even though the truth could suck as well) is soooo much better than being lied to. Let’s be real, yes, the initial act hurts like a MF, but the lying, the sneaking. That shit….that shit not only hurts, but makes you feel stupid, inadequate, “too nice”, naive, like a fucking idiot!
(okay, reeling it in….we needed to let that out)
The trust breaks down, our relationships break down. No fighting it. No ignoring it. The trust is broken. First comes the “why” questions. “Why did this happen?” “why did they do this?”. Who? What? When? Where? Then come the insecurities. “What did I do?” “I must not be good enough.” “They must be prettier, smarter, make more money than me.” Then resentment. Ohhhh resentment is a bad, bad bitch. Cut throat and spiteful AF. Turns us into someone we never thought was even inside of us.
We’ve felt it. We’ve felt is ALL. We’ve been through the phases (more times than one). We’ve been the hateful ass bitches. We’ve been complete basket cases. We’ve been crazy [er]. It brings out the absolute worst in us. Nothing is more heart-wrenching than giving your all to someone and they run over you with a semi-truck. Why are people so careless? Why is honesty and loyalty so hard for some people. Grow TF up, already! (okay, we are venting again).
Anywho…these feelings are normal. Don’t guilt trip yourself for feeling this way. We are not responsible for our emotions, we are only responsible for how we respond to them. Love is hard. Love is HUMAN. Being open is not stupid. Being open is one of the bravest things a person can do. We have to realize and accept that it is NOT our fault. That our worth does not lie in the hands of others, but of our own dope ass selves! Sure, it hurts and it could even take a few years to get the picture, but it is what it is.
Putting trust in others in one thing, but what about trusting ourselves, damnit! Trust that you are better off and that you will heal. Trust that you’re still badass. Trust that life isn’t all about getting married, having kids, and a white picket fence right now. Trust that you are still here and you still fucking matter (with or without someone else). When we give our all to a relationship, we are prone to losing ourselves. And when they end, we have no clue who we are. STOP. Breathe. You are the one in control of your emotions. You are made to handle these things. The universe will show you the light in all of this. Any shift, good or not so good, is going to have a feeling. It’s meant to take you out of your comfort zone, to make you a stronger person. Trust that you are enough, and that you are worthy. Because ultimately, if you recognize that, it doesn’t fucking matter who comes in and who weeds out.
With love & light to your badass self,